My Dear Friend ~ Frank Modestini

My daughter, Mandy, is Community Business Director at Atria Summit Ridge, an assisted living facility in Reno for Seniors. It was there that I made the acquaintance of a wonderful gentleman named Frank Modestini. We grew close as I visited, dined and attended functions with Frank over the years. Frank had a special way of making everyone around him feel like family. He enjoyed giving gifts of fruit and candy to show affection. He was a widower and did not have children of his own, but did have close ties with his nieces, nephews and many friends. The resident ladies at Atria especially loved Frank's company. The way he could light up a room with his presence and his loving, generous nature, make it no surprise that Frank was at one time the President of the Optimist's Club.

When I heard that Frank was having some serious health issues, knowing that the time he had left were short, prompted me to persue receiving training as a Hospice Volunteer. This was something that I had been wanting to do for a long time and I wanted to be prepared to be there for Frank in his time of need. I completed the training that I needed and have found it very fulfilling to be there and offer comfort for those who are nearing end of life. As I had known it would, the day came that I received a call that Frank was not doing well and he had been read his last rites. A very devout Catholic man, his faith was a very big part of Frank's life. I prayed that I would arrive in time. Several hours later, although weak, Frank had an appetite and I assisted him while he ate a big, juicy burger from "In n Out" and sipped a beer from a bendy straw. :) It was apparent that it was not meant to be Frank's time yet. He said, "I can't explain it, but I was overwhelmed with a feeling that I was a'gonner and I was going fast." Luckily, Frank was to remain in our lives for several more weeks. The next time I received, "the call" Frank's situation was much more grave. We did spend several days visiting, joking, and listening to music. I moved a crucifix that was on the other side of the room, closer to Frank's bedside so that he could see it and take comfort from it and shared a book of my mother's religious artwork with him, which he enjoyed very much. I also gave Frank gentle massage and touch to which he said with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face, "You make dying a pleasure." As I caressed his face, he would burrow his cheek in my hand, much like a child would with it's mother. These are moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life. On the morning that Frank left us, I remember kneeling by his bedside with one arm under his neck & shoulder and my other hand on his cheek. He was no longer able to communicate but I knew he could hear me. I told him that I wanted him to feel comforted, at peace and to know that he was loved. I told him that I knew that he loved me too because he had told me so many times. I told Frank what an honor it had been to have him in my life and how much his frienship meant to me, I told him that he had done so much good for so many in his time here and that the World was a better place because he had been in it. I went on to tell him that it was time for him to take his place among the Angels in Heaven. At that moment I drew closer to him and recited the Lord's Prayer followed by a Hail Mary. Just as the last words were out of my lips, ". . . now and at the hour of our death, Amen", Frank peacefully took his last breathe as I held him in my arms. I know that when my time comes, he will be there to meet me and welcome me into Heaven.

These are posts that I made on Twitter during the days that I was spending at Frank's bedside:

Just got in from spending the day w/ a very special friend who lives in Senior Assisted Living. He is nearing the end of a rich, full life.
10:04 PM Apr 17th via web

10:04 AM Apr 18th via web
A dear friend is nearing end of life. It was hard to leave his side last night. Going back now to be with him & offer support to his family.

5:06 PM Apr 18th via Twitpic
"Frank" is a beautiful man with Italian upbringing and a HUGE heart. We have had good times & great laughs together. I love him.

9:32 PM Apr 18th via web
My dear friend, Frank Modestini & I share a birthday, May 26th. Today 04/18/10 while I held him in my arms, he left this world to take his place among the angels.

Frank was a member of Reno Optimist Club & Honorary Boy Scout. It was my honor to know him http://shorten.ws/508d86 http://shorten.ws/be08ce
5:11 PM Apr 18th via web

Right before Frank's condition worsened and once since his passing, the picture that we took together has opened on my computer with no explanation. I feel that this is his way of still communicating his presence. Another way has been through music. The song that I played in honor of Frank in the days following his death is "Time To Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman: http://shorten.ws/84d12f
During my last days of Massage Clinic while giving a massage, the Pandora music site randomly played this song which was very different than the usual New Age genre that was played during massages, when I heard it, I knew it was Frank letting me know he was there. More recently, Mandy & I stayed at a B&B in Petaluma to celebrate my birthday, which happens to be the same day as Frank's birthday. I left the television on during the night and in the wee hours of the morning I awoke to Frank's favorite song, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" http://shorten.ws/2e33a6 I smiled and said, Happy Birthday, Frank :)

Let the Child Within Your Heart "Rise Above"

I just read http://bit.ly/a2T7kE "Let's Get Naked" a post by Renee Ludwigs, aka @reneeludwigs on Twitter. She tells us, "Be true & authentic to the real you. Uncover your own naked truth."

Reading Renee's post on her blog, An Island Perspective, I was inspired to write about a wonderful memory from my childhood:


My favorite childhood "authentic self" moment was in Arizona where I grew up. I was watering a tree that we had in our front yard as I stood watching the most glorious sunset in the horizon over the mountains. I was filled with pure joy and inspiration that I let out by singing "America/My Country Tis of Thee" with abandon, at the top of my lungs! I remember feeling so "connected" carefree and just plain happy :)


I think it's important not to lose touch with that part of ourselves that was full of awe, wonder and believed that anything was possible!

Thank you Renee, for jogging my memory and guiding me back to that part of myself!

Begin With the End In Mind

Begin with the End in Mind - Visualize where you want to be. Think of the “Vision” - Creative Visualization

I included this as part of a previous post about long & short term goals, but I feel the message is so important that it needs to stand on its own.

“He who spends time adorning himself knows he is going to a dance”. ~Kenyan Saying

Preparation is the key to securing your future. Are you adorning yourself? You should be, because there’s a dance awaiting you. The dance is the future that you were destined to live. Start adorning yourself. Invest in personal growth. Read books that will prepare you for the future. Develop yourself into the kind of person who will shine on the dance floor when destiny finally says, “Here’s your chance”. Get ready! The quality of dance you expect in your future determines the amount of adorning you will do today. Raise your expectations. You shouldn’t be expecting to go to some mediocre dance. Your goal should be to dance in the most sophisticated dances reserved for the ones who have invested heavily in themselves.
~Herman Najoli “How to Make Your Mark”

"Mom" Fullbright

My ex-husband's mother lived with us for many years and continued to stay with me and my children for a few years after our divorce. My husband was 20 yrs. older than me and his mother, Julia Louise Fullbright, was born in 1909 making her old enough to have been my grandmother. At a time when few women went to college, she graduated from St. Mary's University in San Antonio and was a school teacher who raised her children alone since her husband did not return from the Korean War after being captured and considered MIA just months before he was to retire from his career in the Army. She was a devout Catholic and helped many less fortunate during her lifetime. After being in charge of her life and responsible for others for so many years, most of that control was being relinquished. At one time Mom Fullbright would drive people to church who were homebound and now she could no longer drive and was living in a home where someone else made most of the decisions. She would comment to me about changes in her body and spoke about looking at her hands and not recognizing them as belonging to her. I was a young mother, in my early 20's back then and lacked the maturity and experience to have better appreciated her story. I wish I could have been equipped to have understood the stage of life that she was in and have realized what an honor it was to be witness to her truth. As time went on, “Mom” moved in with her son, I remarried and life and years went on. There was still contact and visits with the children and their grandmother which became less frequent when we moved from the East Coast in Florida to the West Coast in California. Our family grew over time and we took many family trips including one back to Florida, because my now husband, Kevin, felt that it was very important for our older children to see their grandmother while she was still living. I love and admire him very much for making that happen. We even picked up my ex so that he could spend time with us and fulfill an old promise to take the kids to “Gatorland.” Years later, I called the nursing home where Mom Fullbright was staying and asked to speak with her. It was clear that her memory had faded and she had no idea who I was. I continued to talk with her and told her at the end of our conversation that I loved her. She replied, “If you love me, that means that at one time I must have loved you too, honey.” I hung up feeling a great sense of loss and I cried and mourned her because I knew that the Julia Fullbright that I had grown to know and love was no longer with us. When the day came that we got the news that she had passed away, I was better able to handle it because I had already grieved her loss in advance. I know that she is in heaven, reunited with her husband, “Duke” and her parents and siblings who she loved so much in life. Someday I will see her again and she will remember me.

The Blurred Lines on the Road Less Travelled

Driving in the recent snow, at night, the usual road marks that help us “stay between the lines” were obscured and it wasn’t clear exactly where I should be driving. It required trusting my instincts and forging new paths in the snow. Approaching stops with extra caution so I could stop without sliding, having enough momentum in order to have traction going up the icy hill without losing control. Even the most familiar areas, that I travel daily, had taken on an unfamiliar look and feel, transformed under a blanket of snow. I was struck with how much it reminds me of the blurred lines that occur in life at times, where you have to take a leap of faith into the unknown, while still exercising good judgment, in order to blaze new trails. I communicated to my children some of the precautions I was taking as we went so that they could learn from the experience while at the same time I had to exude a semblance of confidence that we would arrive at our destination safely even though we might be taking the road less travelled. :)

A Special Moment in Time That I Cherish

Several years ago when I lived in the Bay area, I was at a fast food restaurant in line to order food where there was a homeless man in line and everyone was keeping a wide berth around him because he was talking to himself and acting strange. I remember feeling slightly alarmed, because my young children were with me, but kept my place in line. He ordered his coffee and went and sat down at a table next to the entrance door. When I ordered, I got an extra meal to give him. I went over to him and as I put the food on the table, I touched his hand and said "this is for you" and he accepted. I sat at the table on the opposite side of the door but couldn't see him because there was a tall trash can between us. I remember vividly how he looked when he raised up in his chair and I saw him peek just over the top of the trash can, his hair was long and wild looking and he flashed me the most beautiful, toothless grin I've ever seen in my life, but more than anything, the steel blue color of his eyes has always stayed with me. I remember feeling like God had just gazed upon me through those eyes, the feeling was overwhelming.

After that day, I searched for him on many occasions and after some time had gone by, I finally caught up with him at nearby shopping center. I asked him if I could buy him lunch and we ended up having something from the ice cream shop (his choice) and talked a little. I found out that he liked going into a gift shop at the shopping center so I went there later and the shop owner said she was familiar with him, so I left some money with her and asked her to let him pick something out the next time he came in. At a later date when I checked back, she said he had picked a "King Frog" ceramic item that he liked. I found this kind of bizarre and touching at the same time, to think of him in that foo-foo store picking out his King Frog. I have an adorable metal King Frog of my own that ironically reminds me of the day that I felt like I was looking into the eyes of God. Although he will never know how special of an experience it was for me to have met him, I cherish it and will never forget it.

“He who spends time adorning himself knows he is going to a dance”. ~Kenyan Saying

Preparation is the key to securing your future. Are you adorning yourself? You should be, because there’s a dance awaiting you. The dance is the future that you were destined to live. Start adorning yourself. Invest in personal growth. Read books that will prepare you for the future. Develop yourself into the kind of person who will shine on the dance floor when destiny finally says, “Here’s your chance”. Get ready! The quality of dance you expect in your future determines the amount of adorning you will do today. Raise your expectations. You shouldn’t be expecting to go to some mediocre dance. Your goal should be to dance in the most sophisticated dances reserved for the ones who have invested heavily in themselves.
~Herman Najoli “How to Make Your Mark”